


Double Act Bar None

by OreoCheesecake



Category: Adventure Time
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-03-12
Updated: 2013-03-12
Packaged: 2017-12-05 02:42:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/717939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OreoCheesecake/pseuds/OreoCheesecake
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prince Gumball is scheduled to marry someone he’s never met, but knows nothing about physical acts of love. He desperately needs a tutor — someone with centuries of experience — so that leaves…</p>
            </blockquote>





	Double Act Bar None

“Marshall... Something's happened and I need your help.”

Prince Gumball had been waiting all night to talk. Boys' night had just ended, as Fionna had retired to the guest room for a night. Marshall had been about to fly off (since he wasn't one for sleepovers) when Prince Gumball followed him out to the balcony.

“What is it?” The vampire paused mid-shift, and fur dissolved into skin, wings retracting as he turned back into a human, perhaps a little annoyed at having to do so. All Prince Gumball could do was glance apologetically, before beginning his speech.

“As you know, the power of kingdoms is waning. More and more populations have turned to self-governance, while others – like the Candy Kingdom – are not capable of that.” Marshall poked his forked tongue out, characteristic smirk in place.

“Because your heads are filled with nothing but sugar?” 

“Because... We are capable of defending ourselves, but for a large country, our numbers remain lacking. Therefore, we have elected to... Merge, if you will, with a neighboring kingdom. Without their strength, we remain vulnerable to attacks and attempts to conquer us.” Prince Gumball remained still, standing in the threshold as he watched Marshall's eyes narrow.

“Where are you going with this?”

He let out a shaky sigh. He had rehearsed the speech in his head, but it came out toneless and fragmented:

“You see... Emissaries have already been sent out to find me a potential partner. Someone who, uh, will stay by my side for a – a very long time.”

Marshall Lee did many things at once. The smirk vanished, for one, and the vampire, who was normally bobbing up and down to emphasize his levitation abilities, froze mid-air. He stared at Prince Gumball, frowning. “You mean...”

He looked Gumball up and down, as if the answer had spelled itself on his clothes. Prince Gumball wanted to shrink back, and flee, perhaps tell Marshall over his shoulder that this was all nothing and should be forgotten. But he was frozen to the spot. He had started the ball rolling, and instinct told him he needed to see things through.

“Holy yarnballs! Are you freakin' kidding me?!” As if he had teleported, Marshall was suddenly very close to Prince Gumball's face. The royal nearly jumped.

“You have to get _married_? But all the most powerful neighboring kingdoms right now are ruled by--”

“Men, yes.” He huffed. “It was through sheer coincidence that our world has sons outnumbering daughters by the hundreds. Let's not judge.”

“I wasn't going to. I just don't see the point of having to shack up with a random just because your kingdoms wanna tag-team. You're only eighteen! That's blagh-y and gross!” Marshall flailed his arms about in emphasis. He had started bobbing up and down again, looking like he was levitating at double speed. “Ever heard of a business arrangement or shared insurance?”

Prince Gumball fought to stay calm. With the way Marshall was freaking out, he too, felt like throwing himself off that very tower, like he had wanted to after the council meeting wherein he'd found out what he would have to do. 

He had to return to the speech. He had to explain, to Marshall, and also to remind himself what the task at hand was. “I was designed to represent my kingdom in every way. To unite with another must be done in the same fashion. It's more than a little symbolic--”

“Junk symbolic! That isn't fair and you know it. Nothing good comes out of forcing yourself to be with a stranger just because you'll be able to fake looking nice and cozy together on the palace portrait.”

“I've made my peace with it, Marshall. I'm not telling you all this just so you can decry the policies of my kingdom!” He was raising his voice now, and inside, Prince Gumball was surprised at himself. He hadn't expected to feel rushed, to be made to feel _guilty_ and victimized in front of Marshall Lee, of all people. But the vampire had reacted more... Strongly than he had assumed, and he didn't know what to make of it.

“Then what do you need me for? Gonna ask if I know a nice guy you can meet? _No_ , Gumball, I don't know any hotties and I don't know your type, sorry. Maybe you should try starchielist.”

Prince Gumball turned cherry red, waves of anger rising within him at Marshall's words. “You know what? Forget I said anything. You can add this to the _list_ of the many conversations that I've regretted having with you.”

He turned heel, about to stomp back into his bedroom and forget the whole thing because Marshall was being a butt. But a hand caught his wrist, and pulled him back. Prince Gumball blinked, finding Marshall in front of him again, though the angry, sarcastic maniac was gone and replaced by a man wearing a solemn look.

“No, wait – I was just being a dumb butt, okay? I'm peeved because I totes care and I can't imagine you not coming to adventures with Fionna anymore just because you wanna stay home and bake macarons for a dude none of us even know. You annoy the venom outta me but I don't want things to change. I'll help in any way I can, 'kay? You name it.”

Pink. Prince Gumball was turning back pink, and not for the right reasons. He didn't want to picture something like _that_ happening. He hadn't imagined anything about his future spouse, actually, but Marshall already had ideas and scenarios about the whole thing and it was making him sick. Did he really want to do this? His breath hitched. It was now or never. He turned his head, looking pointedly at a tiny star in the distance.

“...You know I have absolutely zero experience with romance, right?”

“Yeah...?”

“Marshall, I've never even... Oh Glob, this is too embarrassing. I'm eighteen and I've never even k-... _touched_ someone....'s mouth... With mine. Whereas you...” He was gesturing vaguely, and looking everywhere except at Marshall. “Yeah. And I was thinking...”

An awkward silence passed between them. Marshall was frowning again, clearly growing impatient. At his sour expression, Prince Gumball retreated.

“Nevermind. I'm being crazy. I'll see you tomorrow!”

He moved, trying to go back inside once again, but there was Marshall's now-familiar grip on his wrist. Distantly, Prince Gumball wondered if freaking out regularly would become a regular thing.

He hoped it wouldn't, but Marshall acting like a true friend for once wasn't so bad.

“Hold on. You want me to help you practice kissing and stuff?”

Prince Gumball opened his mouth. And closed it. And coughed, and looked away, flustered.

“And stuff.” His voice was faint. He never thought his heartbeat would sound louder than his own voice, but apparently there was a first for everything.

Prince Gumball sighed again, mostly to calm his nerves. “Um... Yeah? I don't want to look like a fool in front of my future spouse. I already did once in front of Fionna when she rejected me. But to lose power like that in the eyes of someone else? An equal, balanced relationship is required in order for the merge to be successful. No one should be able hold anything over the other and...”

“ _You_ want _me_ to be your first kiss?” 

Prince Gumball had never seen the vampire so baffled. He shrugged in response, and noticed then that Marshall was still holding his wrist. It felt uncharacteristically warm. So did his face, despite the cool night air billowing around them both, lightly messing their clothes and hair.

“Why not? We're friends. We've had a history, as complicated as it is and... I could do a lot worse than Marshall Lee, vampire king.” He forced out a smile, but it looked more like a sheepish grin. “BUT this is a strict, friends-only arrangement. I just thought, who better to practice with than you? You're one of the most experienced people I know.”

“So it's because I've got a thousand years worth,” Marshall replied in a dull tone. Prince Gumball hadn't expected him to be _sad_ – if anything, he had anticipated a barrage of taunts and promises of never letting him live down the moment. But Marshall's face was blank now, like for once, he was waiting for Prince Gumball to make the next move.

“You'd be a good teacher, okay? I'm not saying anything else that'll incriminate me further. I just need help with the physical stuff. Like, lessons and all. But you don't have to, if you don't want to. I'll give you time to thi--”

Marshall pulled.

Prince Gumball found himself unceremoniously crashing into the boy in front of him, their foreheads knocking together painfully. It was awkward and spontaneous, probably awkward _because_ it was spontaneous. Prince Gumball's mumble of 'Ow' was drowned by a pair of cold lips pressing lightly against his. He froze, terrified and completely at a loss at what to do. Should he move his head around? Should he push back? Half-afraid that Marshall would bite him by accident (or on purpose), Prince Gumball remained completely still, his hands balled at his sides. He hadn't noticed when Marshall had started holding his arms.

It was short, and surprisingly devoid of fangs. Marshall withdrew, and opened his eyes, his expression still blank. He looked at Gumball, who stared back wordlessly. His own lips felt cold and clammy, like nothing had ever been pressing against them.

It was so short that Gumball almost complained. But Marshall spoke first.

“Gumball... First lesson, is to close your eyes when you kiss.”

Prince Gumball blushed, gritting his teeth. He was about to interject with an excuse but the vampire merely raised his eyebrows at him and continued.

“Oh, and your technique is total skuzmeat, dude.”


End file.
